Hi Dina,
Just a personal note to thank you for your piece in the Huffington Post. I have some additional data points on the emotional toll of infertility included in a piece I wrote on my Open Salon blog:

Would You Tell Someone You’re Infertile?
http://open.salon.com/blog/pamela_jeanne/2010/04/13/would_you_tell_someone_youre_infertile

p.s. I first started writing about infertility in a blog called Coming2Terms four years ago, which was profiled as part of an infertility health segment in the New York Times. The response in a companion blog, like that of your piece yesterday, was extreme with some 400+ comments – mostly vitriolic. http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/06/10/voices-of-infertility/#comments

That response and the isolation I felt confronting infertility led me to write the book, Silent Sorority, which RESOLVE honored with a best book award in September. This is my long way of saying, I appreciate your willingness to write about a topic that is steeped in ignorance and stigma. I look forward to the day when it isn’t. all the best.

Thank you! It’s true- How clearly those comments posted indicate a genuine lack of understanding and awareness! It should also be a little more clear to those wondering why couples don’t want to talk about their infertility that sentiments like those expressed in some of the comments are what keep a lot of people silent. The fear many have of not being understood is realized in comments made by uninformed, unsympathetic people.
I agree that infertility is something that needs to be brought to light and discussed, but I also feel that measures need to be taken to do so in a way that guards the hearts of those suffering through it. For it to become a heated debate simply over the idea of making people aware is unacceptable. How can this issue be brought to light without bowling over the very people we’re trying to help? There has to be a way. I doubt bringing it up as a healthcare issue right from the starting gate is going to accomplish the mission with poise and grace.
The article (or someone’s post on the article-I can’t remember) mentioned a gathering in D.C. for infertility. My husband and I have been 7 years infertile (seven), and in all that time I have never even heard a mention of such a gathering. My point is that awareness is not happening among the infertile, how can we expect it to spread until we ourselves become “aware”?

By the way, you wrote an excellent article. Thank you for addressing the issue, and for doing so sympathetically. You brought up excellent and valid points, and articles like yours will hopefully get the ball rolling. As you wrote, we have a long way to go. My earlier mention of bringing this up as a heated debate over a healthcare issue was prompted by a news segment I watched yesterday, not from your article (I realized I should probably clarify).
After dealing with infertility for a few years believing I was one of a few, I met many people in my daily life also going through infertility, but not talking to anyone (not even their doctors) about it. I realized I wasn’t one of a few but one of many. When I learned about the statistics, I was dumbfounded. I hadnt realized that i was one of a few actually willing to talk openly about our journey. It became my goal to answer as many questions as I encountered about this journey, from both fertile and infertile people, in a hope to help get those suffering through it some support and help those not dealing with it to understand how to interact with people that are.
Thank you, again, for writing about this issue. It has been my hope for quite some time that people on both sides of the issue would be willing to talk about it, openly and with an open mind.

Great article and perfect response, Dina. I did see one response that argued that there has been plenty of “discussion” about infertility as well – but certainly not enough for even friends of mine to not feel comfortable in sharing their experiences with me, even as I am (1) the founder of a company that creates programs for infertility ; and (2) went through my own difficult secondary infertility journey as well.

Infertility still hides in the closet, unfortunately, and we need to get to a place where friends, family members and the 1 out of 8 feel comfortable in sharing to promote correct information, to make wise decisions, while feeling empowered and supported by an enormous community of current, past and future “infertiles.”

p.s. This post is not meant to promote, but in case you are wondering: http://www.circlebloom.com is the company I founded

Dina,
Bravo and thank you for an excellent piece. I loved your comment that infertility isn’t as serious as a life-threatening disease, but it is the loss of a dream – such a true statement.

I have just published a book The Inadequate Conception and even though I wrote it to help women try to find the lighter side of infertility another reason was to make more people aware of the millions of us out here.

Just as the first person commented, I was featured in an article on AOL right before Thanksgiving about surviving the holidays as an infertile. As is the nature of my blog and personality, I took it a bit tongue and cheek. I had many supporters, but I was amazed at the number of comments full of vitrol and the “why don’t you just adopt” comments.

So, again, thank you for bringing some awareness to this very personal topic.

Thank you all for your comments and kind words. It seems you are all doing your share to help bring this issue the attention it deserves.

To the author of Silent Sorority, I’ve heard of your book and plan on reading it. Kudos to you for writing about something so personal and painful. I know you’ve helped a lot of people.

Dina

To the woman who mentioned she’s been battling infertility for seven years, thank you for your support and for coming forward. I think it’s so admirable that you’ve helped people and reached out even while going through your own difficult journey. I completely understand why so many people choose to remain silent (especially after reading all of the negative comments on my Huffington Post blog.) I think we need to work to educate the misinformed so that more people like you would feel comfortable speaking out without worrying about the “heated debates” as you say.

Sincerely,

Dina Roth Port

Thanks also to the author of The Inadequate Conception. I’ll put that on my reading list as well.

I think that the more articles, blog posts, and books on the topic of infertility, the better. Who knows what the tipping point will be!

Dina

Many thanks to DRP for writing her article on unveiling the secrecy of infertility. The number of comments you have received tells us that people have heard your message. People who have not experienced infertility do not understand its devastating impact. Every person who wants to build their family should have that option. I wrote Riding the Infertility Roller Coaster: A Guide to educate and Inspire after I experienced infertility and in my work as a social worker I realized others felt isolated and alone. It won multiple best book awards. I strongly believe more people should speak and educate themselves and others about infertility. Education offers power and support. There is a supportive community out there if you need it. Let’s continue this trend!

Thank you so much for this article! I have been trying to conceive for 11 years and the hardest part had been dealing with such ignorant and mean comments. I have heard such vulgar comments! If I had any other illness I would get so much more understanding! This absolutely needs to be more in the mainstream media in a comprehensive way. We see written stories and that’s fabulous but we need to follow other illnesses and SHOW it! This may sound corny but we need a song and a true ad campaign! We need a slogan and billboards! We need “the more you know” types of ads and a true documentary in the mainstream! That’s the way this society works. We need to ALL truly speak out together and let people see how many of us there truly are! I am sick of being ignored and minimized!! I have a disease and I am tired of being treated as if I am selfish!!! I will continue to speak out as much as I possibly can!

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